A Long Weekend In Amsterdam

Amsterdam trip review by Emma Johnston

Note: The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of RetoxMagazine.com

Way Back When...

Pictured above is Amsterdam, photo by Kaja Kozlowska.

So back in 2006 when I was 17, two of my friends and I went on holiday to Amsterdam, our first holiday abroad without the folks, how exciting it was. Well before we realised the coach would be horrendous and we would get knocked back from most places for being underage. MOST places, we still got our drink and smoke on for a bit. I also got my first tattoo there; the 'artist' was 30 minutes late because he went out to get a dark chocolate Bounty. Needles to say I was looking forward to it being a legal age for anything and everything!

Get Out Of The Way!

One of the first things about Amsterdam that is astounding is truly the sheer amount of bikes there. I know everyone says it, and it is a well-known fact, but you do not realise the extent until you get there. It does make the air a hell of a lot cleaner, so as not to clog up those facial pores I presume. Yet on my second visit I still managed to get run over by a bicycle on several occasions.

Central station bike garage in Amsterdam. Photo by Paul Joseph.

Pretty Ladies...

The Red Light District is just as surreal as you expect. My visit was on a Saturday night when every single window is occupied and every neon light is blazing! I don't really like crowds (are you surprised?) and I found it slightly overwhelming being shoved aside by middle age men on a lads holiday or overseas tourists desperate for a picture of every single thing possible, ever. Despite this the wandering through the light streets was still...delightful? Is that the right word? I had so much fun walking through a level of liberalism we will never have in the UK but was still aware that it was somebody's daughter in the window. Sorry to bum it out.

Red Light District in Amsterdam. Photo by Bruce Tuten.

Sexy Time!

So every time I remembered this fact, I'd pop into some sort of a sex shop. The array of vibrators, butt plugs, whips, etc. is more than enough to make me giggle with coyness and forget my problems. I swear I could fix any problem with a one on one confrontation with an elaborate cock ring. It's a shame that most shops sell the same products, but every now and again there is a shop with a twist. Whether it be specific lingerie, s and m, PVC or indeed an only-gay shop.

Red Light District, Amsterdam. Photo by Matt Mangum.

Light It Up!

Seeing as on my last trip it was a struggle and a half to get some joints to share between the three of us, I fully made the most of my trip this time round. I bought some lovely special green stuff and enjoyed some everyday of the holiday. Keeping myself at a nice level of ...calmness. I was stoned most of the time in other words. Never so spaced I couldn't function, just so everything was fun and tasty. Some places were a bit funny for taking your own stash in. I get it; you want tourists to buy your gear. It isn't practical; luckily there are many owners (mainly bar owners) who don't seem to mind.

What else?

Well previously I had visited the Anne Frank House, The Zoo and most of the other tourist resorts. This time I enjoyed taking in the city; this does not mean I was lost. This means I didn't worry about my destination - destinations are so restricting. I also made sure I visited the Sex Museum this time, which is a treat and a half. They have waxworks and moving models simulating a hand-job to flashing. I did find parts of it extremely interesting, especially the old porno pictures from as early as 1890! The performers looked so awkward and clueless.

On this trip I also took a canal tour, which despite being incredibly busy was still very relaxing. It is just amazing to experience another culture and show appreciation for them and their city. The architecture is so easy to get lost in and everybody is so laid back. I can understand why it is such a popular city to visit.

Canals in Amsterdam. Photo taken by Patrick Finnegan (above left) and David Spender (above right).

And?

I was in Amsterdam with my other half for a long weekend and it was slightly too short in my opinion. There is so much to do in the city and outside of it, I wish I had more time and money to explore it. I guess I can always go back again soon... *looks at books and papers*. But then again, maybe I'll need to wait another few years.