To Draw or Not To Draw?

Written by K. O. Golding.

Note: The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of RetoxMagazine.com

So you've met someone, everything’s going to plan and running smoothly. She's back at your place and she's showing no signs of resistance. You give her a tour of the apartment with the last stop being the bedroom. After short comments and sly digs at your CD, DVD and Book collection she's fallen onto your bed and says how comfortable it is. You reply with some innuendo and you both start play fighting where you get closer and eventually lean in for the kiss. It's going great now only one more obstacle left but it's time to ask yourself...

"Who draws first?"

This question may seem simple enough but it does require a lot more thought. For instance if I were to suddenly produce a condom from the pocket of my jeans instead of my jacket pocket or the inside of my wallet, I don't do the wallet thing because I don't like to carry unnecessary weight in my pockets, I may be seen as calculating and get the whole "I see you do this quite a lot" awkward comment which requires a digression into a thirty second reassurance.

If she produces the condom out of her purse you'll probably find yourself doing the math too. Asking yourself questions but dare not comment aloud because the prospect of sex after a comment such as "Do this often?" is as unlikely as going into a halal butchers and getting a bag of pigs feet.

Where to draw from?

You could, perhaps, take a condom out of a bedside drawer, from under the pillow or a shoebox. The problem with these is that you'll probably get the whole premeditated look or if the shoe box is nearly empty you'll get the whole "I'm just another number" and she'll probably start thinking of ways to get out of there.

To draw or not to draw?

There are all sorts of risks involved if the female produces the condom. If you've managed to pick up a 'clinger' (a girl who becomes obsessed with you after a short period of time) without knowing, she could pierce the pack and allow a million or so cells get through and race towards the egg (if this were the case fingers crossed you’re a smoker). This is a dire circumstance which results in being trapped for life only to find out she's a total nutcase, who in the past has been through the village sports team on a drug fuelled 48 hour bender.

If you produce the condom you'll have the gallant air of responsibility around you especially if you wait for the right moment where things are heating up and, without saying a thing, pull it out of your pocket as if you were advertising a Tesco club card. You could say something cheesy but I personally wouldn't risk it although sometimes it's worth making an exception and having a 'Chandler' moment.

To leave or not to leave?

So it's all happened without a hitch, you've had, what you deem to be, the best sex ever (still high off the hormones) and now decide whether to...

1. Leave: Whether at her place or home this is the point where you start thinking of excuses. It's straight after the last round and the demons start creeping into your head telling you to get out of there but you wait for the right time, half an hour perhaps?

2. Not to leave: This is where you realise that she's nice enough for you to want to see a couple more times, before deciding to add terminology to the whole thing, and start the process of making things official. Why not have 'Pillow Talk' and get to know each other a little further?

Drive Safely