Make your own Decomposing Finger

Post by R.M. team

Note: The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of RetoxMagazine.com

The Decomposing Finger made from Sausage. Image by Lin Vitali

The Decomposing Finger made from Sausage

We don’t come up with scary Halloween recipes often and we have no intention of promoting sausage recipes, which entail of sticking fake fingernails into hard-fried sausages either. But we do often get inspired to write wacky and funny stuff, and so happens especially after reading the story on the Transylvanian Crisis.

We understand you may think this is mad. We understand you may believe this is pointless. And we understand you may be a vegetarian.

Regardless, here it goes, all in the name of humour - the Decomposing Sausage Finger! The result is quite enthralling. Read on…

This Decomposing Sausage Finger Recipe is NOT SUITABLE FOR VEGETARIANS.

Ingredients / Materials:

1. A packet of raw sausages. Try and get the ones that match your actual finger size. The more accurate the size, the more convincing you decomposing finger will be.

2. A frying pan and a dash of oil to fry your 'finger' in. The decomposing finger will look more convincing if you fry the sausage until it is very crispy and brown, to the point some would refer to it as being slightly burned.

3. A cooker – an electric stove, a gas cooker or a barbeque set are all fine but make sure they are connected to their source of energy otherwise this sausage recipe will go to waste. Do not try and use the cookers on display at IKEA, as they are probably not connected to any form of energy and so your sausage will not cook.

4. Plastic fingernails - the cheapest type of disposable fingernails that come in a box accompanied by a bottle of glue. Should there be a choice in fingernail length, get the long fingernails, as nails and hair uppear as if they still grow after death. This way your decomposing finger may look more convincing. Also it will be easier to affix the fingernail to the sausage and it will remain attached to the sausage for a longer period of time.

5. You may also need some greens to place your sausage in. We are talking about the 'grassy' looking veggies. It will give the 'a crow dropped it off in my garden' effect. A good setting means a better presentation.

Directions:

Take one sausage out of the packet. This sausage will now become your decomposing finger. Make sure the sausage is nice and soft and defrosted.

A few slashes across the centre of the sausage would be a great indicator of the knuckle area. Just make sure you don’t slice off half of your finger all together!

Then pinch one end of the sausage then the other to shape it a little more like a real finger. Don’t pinch your sausage too hard as your sausage can burst! It indeed is an operation of great precision and accuracy. However, this may be your chance to experiment with your sausage! ;-)

Now fry the living daylights out of that sausage and when it is too charred and overcooked to be eaten, it is perfect to become your decomposing finger. Take the sausage out of the pan. Let it cool.

In the meanwhile get your plastic fingernail. You may wish to give it a coating of off-white nail polish with a tint of green or yellow to give it a 'rotten' effect. Once the nail is dry and the sausage has cooled down, stick the nail into the sausage and voila! You have your decomposing finger!

Now use your fingers to eat the decomposing finger! …If you dare!

PS: just remember, if you are trying to feed your sausage to others, warn people of what the sausage contains before they touch it. You don’t want your friends choking on the plastic fingernail or breaking their teeth! Be wary!

And in case you add the decomposing sausage finger to your favourite list of gross recipes for Halloween, do not forget to invite us to your Halloween party!